Friday, July 08, 2005
Exclusive: Interview with Osama
Osama bin Laden: Please, call me Bin,
Interviewer: We have read multiple reports on UK Indymedia which suggest that Al-Quaeda was not responsible for the recent bombings in London and that it was most likely the work of the British or American Governments.
Bin: What? I don't believe it. Again?
Interviewer: What do you mean "again"?
Bin: I go to all the trouble of arranging a holy mission on September 11 2001. I find guys who want to die, train them how to fly and smuggle them into America. They overpower aircraft at tremendous odds and fly them into buildings. Do you know how fucking hard that is? Most men can't even pee into the bucket without missing and these guys hit their target doing 600mph.
I rang Al-Jazeera (I have them on speed-dial you know) a day before the attacks and said "hey guys, watch this. Beheading beshmeading. This is going to totally kick infidel ass!". We do the attack and it's better than even we expected. Thousands of Americans killed, but do I get any fucking credit? Nooooooooo......
The Americans say it was me, Indymedia says that's crap and it was the Jews.
The Jews! Those guys get credit for everything! It's bad enough I have to read how they control the media and the banks, now I have to listen to how they did my friggin' attack as well? I tell you, it made me so mad I wanted to explode. Except I got Yasser to send some 16 year old kid to do that instead. Now they have this new name, Neo-Con. What a pain in the ass. Once, you wanted to kill a Jew, you killed a Jew. I don't even know what a neo-con looks like. I have to go up to people and ask "excuse me, are you a neo-con?" before blowing them up in self-defence.
Indymedia even thought I was a Neocon once!
Interviewer: Surely this latest attack on London will put you back in the spotlight.
Bin: You'd think so, except those fucks on Indymedia are now saying it was probably Tony Blair. Can you believe it? Tony Blair! The guy talks like Hugh Grant and Woody Allen's lovechild and these fools think he could do something like that? Forget it!
I ask you, who does a guy have to actually blow up these days before he gets credit for it instead of the government of the damned victims?
My London office sent them an email, what else do they want? I should nominate which buses I'm going to blow up on my blog a week before doing it? It's Jihad, not friggin' snooker.
When the American dogs bombed the hell out of Tora Bora, no one here was writing on Taliban Indymedia "it's obviously the Taliban bombing their own people to justify their ongoing agression against the Americans".
I get no respect...
Now if you will please excuse me, I have a rehearsal to attend.
Update: Some lunatic has posted a rant in the comments, attempting to prove how misled I am, yet proving instead how deranged some people actually are. He is so convinced, he mashed out 800 words without realizing it would take me all of about two seconds to delete them all. I have resisted however, as it joins Indymedia in proving there really are troubled people amongst us.
school classroom for quite a while before carrying out his already-scheduled "No Child Left Behind" education press conference, not leaving for almost an hour after hearing about the second plane hitting. Unless they knew otherwise then they would've had to assume he WAS a target, and the only way they COULD have known otherwise was if Bush knew he wasn't a target (because he was part of the plan.) Or why several of the "suicide hijackers" turned up alive AFTER 9-11, wondering why they were being blamed for it. Check a BBC article of about 23 September 2001 among other sources reporting the same. One turned up in Morocco, another in Tunisia, another in Jeddah in Saudi Arabia where he was a pilot, and the others I can't remember where. One even went to the U.S. embassy in his country asking what was the meaning of it. Or the matter of certain people like the amyor of San Francisco Willie Brown being warned beforehand to avoid the airlines and the WTC on 9-11. Or the record amounts of "put" options purchased on United Airlines and American Airlines stock in the week before 9-11. The Securities & Exchanges Commission (SEC) will do nothing about this example of obvious foreknowledge. Or the odds of the Air Force scheduling a wargame for September 11th 2001 involving false radar injects. Or the reason why FAA air traffic controllers on duty on 9-11 are under a gag order to not talk about anything they saw or heard on that day. Same for New York City firefighters, also a gag order. If they weren't hiding anything there would be no gag orders in place for these people. Why are the tapes of the New York firefighters' radio traffic from 9-11 almost all CLASSIFIED?? These are firemen, not top secret nuclear physicists. Why was all the debris from the WTC shipped to China and India to be melted down as quickly as possible instead of being kept for studying? Isn't that destroying evidence?? Look at the footage of the twin towers "collapsing" as well as the "collapse" later in the day of the smaller WTC # 7 building, falling in an identical manner. It's called a controlled demolition, no different than other controlled demolitions of other buildings. The "self-destruct" charges had been in place for a while, probably since the (assumed to be real) terrorist van bombing at the base of one of the towers in the mid-1990s, to ensure the massive towers don't fall over on something else if something huge happened like an earthquake that may make one or both of them unsafe. Same with the WTC # 7 building, which had a concrete bunker-like emergency command centre for the mayor. You see, even if you believe the government's line it is still believing in a conspiracy theory, in fact the "official story" is really the mother of conspiracy theories, so far-fetched and requiring such mental gymnastics and a suspension of disbelief that
would make an intelligent person blush. It is also easily disproven. Try to disprove the statements I've made. Go ahead. Don't cop out and say "I'm not going to dignify that with a response" because that is obviously a cowardly cop out and you have no dignity with which to dignify anything regardless. If you actually believe the "official 9-11" fairy tale then I have a rather nice bridge I'd like to sell you, no paperwork involved...