Wednesday, June 08, 2005


Call to Alms

One of my favourite scenes in Monty Python's Life of Brian:
EX-LEPER: Alms for an ex-leper. Bloody donkey owners. All the same, aren't they? Never have any change. Oh, here's a touch. Spare a talent for an old ex-leper?
MANDY: Buzz off!
EX-LEPER: Spare a talent for an old ex-leper.
MANDY: A talent? That's more than he earns in a month.
EX-LEPER: Half a talent, then.
MANDY: No, go away!
EX-LEPER: Come on, Big Nose. Let's haggle.
BRIAN: What?
EX-LEPER: All right. Cut the haggling. Say you open at one shekel. I start at two thousand. We close about eighteen hundred.
EX-LEPER: Seventeen-fifty?
MANDY: Go away!
EX-LEPER: Seventeen-forty.
MANDY: Look. Will you leave him alone?
EX-LEPER: All right. Two shekels. Just two. Isn't this fun, eh?
MANDY: Look. He's not giving you any money, so piss off!
EX-LEPER: All right, sir. My final offer: half a shekel for an old ex-leper.
BRIAN: Did you say... 'ex-leper'?
EX-LEPER: That's right, sir. Sixteen years behind the bell, and proud of it, sir.
BRIAN: Well, what happened?
EX-LEPER: I was cured, sir.
BRIAN: Cured?
EX-LEPER: Yes, sir, a bloody miracle, sir. God bless you.
BRIAN: Who cured you?
EX-LEPER: Jesus did, sir. I was hopping along, minding my own business. All of a sudden, up he comes. Cures me. One minute I'm a leper with a trade, next minute my livelihood's gone. Not so much as a by your leave. 'You're cured mate.' Bloody do-gooder.
BRIAN: Well, why don't you go and tell him you want to be a leper again?
EX-LEPER: Ah, yeah. I could do that, sir. Yeah. Yeah, I could do that, I suppose. What I was thinking was, I was going to ask him if he could make me a bit lame in one leg during the middle of the week. You know, something beggable, but not leprosy, which is a pain in the arse, to be blunt. Excuse my French, sir, but, uh--
MANDY: Brian! Come and clean your room out.
BRIAN: There you are. [Hands him a coin]
EX-LEPER: Thank you, sir, tha....Half a denary for me bloody life story?
BRIAN: There's no pleasing some people.
EX-LEPER: That's just what Jesus said, sir.
Via Indy Media Watch reader Brandon, it seems Urbana Champaign Indymedia is raising money and getting itself in all sorts of strife over its role in the whole Global IMC 'movement' as one of the wealthiest members of this Online Leper Colony.

The more money they make, the longer they can keep bringing us fine content such as Try this new simple 10 minute IQ test for Everybody! which features a 1.6Mb downloadable PDF of 'questions' such as:
How ignorant have average middle-class Americans been? How far can under 1% of the world's population push the rest of us?
The answer to all of the questions (of course) is "The Illuminati", that mysterious ancient group of Neocon Jewish bankers and politicians who keep refusing to let me join their cabal (shh, there is no cabal).

The 'quiz' is sponsored by "We The People Group, c/o and". Money surely well spent.

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